stop hiding

for how long have i hidden my feelings, i can't remember. when it started, i can't remember. i'm getting enough of it. when i was in primary school, i was quite introverted, always bullying by other people. But i have these best friends. We can talk about what is deep inside in our heart. they were and always my best friends. Then i went to junior high school, i learned to be strong, and don't get bullied any more. But only got one good friend, and he wasn't as good as the ones in my promary school, he used to bully me. then i graduated from junior high school, and got over the deathlike summer. ever since dad told me the thing, i wanted to cried, but i never cried out. i really got myself pretected inside. i hid myself deep inside and never show them up any more. in my senior school, i became a really funny man, i learned to protect myself with the goddamn humor. the happier i mades them, the lonelier i feels. i always feel i am so lonely, i never found a real good friend since primary school. but i know it is because i am hidding myself from others. they don't show their heart to me is because i never showed my heart to others. i seem get closer relationships with others but my heart get more more far from others.
i don't want to hide but i'm afraid. i'm afraid they won't understand me and they will laugh at me. i donno what shoud i do. what am i suppose to do about this? i donno i really donno.